Why Cries

Why is it that a 50 year old man can go all day at the office w/o food and I for some reason can't?

Why can't I just BE ANA and stop fucking up my already disintegrating teeth for a lifetime of throwing up? (She says as she eats a mini snickers..)

Why and when did I decide to be a complete fucking failure and ruin my life, my weight and my happiness?

Why can't I have just one fucking bit of SPACE? ALONE TIME? So I can drink and cut and cry while listening past and present emotional music.

Why is blood the only thing that makes me smile and the scale the only thing that makes me cry?

Why can't I drown myself and problems in my mint tea?

Why am I so hesitant to JUST DO IT JUST KILL YOURSELF ALREADY NO ONE REALLY CARES IF YOU LIVE ANYWAY.

Why can't I grow some balls to dump the one man who has ever cared about me. YOU CAN"T GET THROUGH THESE WALLS AND YOUR MESSING UP MY TIME FOR SELF DESTRUCTION.

Why the fuck can't I breathe, why the fuck can't I live, why the fuck can't I just die already?