I sit here at my desk thinking about my old relationship with this blog. I used to be obsessed. I used have to write everyday almost, if not multiple times. I haven't blogged much at all lately. I think I just got sick of being a complete failure and letting "you all" (let's be honest I have like 1% of support from you girls...thanks.) know everyday that I'm a complete failure. Basically, I update to still complain that my life is a constant dreading misery, that I'm a fat piece of usless and worthless shit and that if it wasn't for a few 'friends' of mine and my father that I love more than life itself, I would have shot, hung and overdosed myself all at the same time years ago. Oh yeah, and slit my wrists...can't forget a good one like that. Basically I have been working out everyday and have hit a new level with my ED. It's more serious than ever and I love how it's the one piece of control I have in this pathetic life of mine. Thank you ED for being my savior and the only thing I can count on. Before I go I would like to get this off my chest:
Dear Linda, (my mother)
FUCK YOU. If I slit my wrists and threw the blood in your face would it make you smile more than when you get satisfaction for telling me I'm a piece of shit. If I hung myself from the large oak that towers over your house in the front yard would you take a picture and use it for the 2009 Christmas card? I FUCKING HATE YOU. Thanks for constantly reminding me of how much of a failure and embarrasment I am to you and your life. I'm so sorry that you ever gave birth to me. Make sure you dance on my ashes after I'm gone to give me the proper good-bye.
The Thorn in Your Side -
Jamie
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hope you see progress with all the working out & even though you may feel like you're failing every now and then remember we all have setbacks, just pick yourself up and keep going, it's really the best choice, good luck!
ReplyDeleteYes and please know you do have a readership here...you do have support. You're not alone and your words are comforting to others going through their own stress.
ReplyDeletei don't blog these days either for that very reason... im too depressed to write about my constant failures and rant on about things that no body cares to listen to..... but i do care about you Jamie, and im always here to listen, whenever u feel like talking
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling if it wasn't for a few people in my life that I love more than anything I'd dead too. I hate how people care so much it's like stop it so I can just fucking die in peace. I hope things turn around for you hun I'm thinking of you and give you all my love.
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