Here we go.......

So today I set up this blog after being inspired by someone else's page "Dying to be thin." Excellent blog. I constantly think about my weight and it drives me crazy. Hopefully blogging will help me loose weight. I haven't been able to find a way to deal with my eating, a support system that is. However, I create this blog at work with a snack size bag of smiley face pretzels in front of my. What a fat ass. Obviously no will power. Today I'm 5'9 and 155 pounds......yuck. I'd like to be 120; I have a long way to go. In high school I got to 130 at one point thanks to a fellow friend who aspired to be wafer like also, diet pills, aderall, starvation and 8 balls of cocaine.......ah the good old days. I look back and think 'shit, if I did all that and only got to 130, this is going to be a nightmare.' Plus since I have this fucking DUI I can't drive to keep myself occupied or do NE FUCKING DRUGS because I have to drop for court. I get to sit on my fat ass and stare at the fridge and the food cabinet all night. I don't even have any friends in this town to help me out. LIFE SUCKS. Food sucks. I started this 'diet' three day s ago. I am writing down everything I eat everyday in this joyful looking pink striped mini note pad I keep in my purse. So far so "good" I guess you can say. My intake of food has gone down but I'm not satisfied yet. Probably won't ever be. I need to start working out. There is a free gym in my building and i think about it everyday. Do I actually get up and workout? No. I sit on my fat ass and just think about it. I know I'd loose weight faster. I just have no motivation. Depression is awesome like that. Thank god for sleeping pills. I wish I had a jab of H and I could just sleep the weight off or be so sick that I loose weight. AAAAHHHH.

I ordered that shit-your-pants pill Alli off of evitamins.com a couple days ago. I can't wait to get that bottle in my hand. Hope fully that will help my loose weight. I'll do anything at this point. I need to puke more. I've really been slacking on my bulima this past year. PUKE UP EVERYTHING. That is what I need to do. I've only been puking when I have eaten so much I am uncomfortable and that's unacceptable. Don't eat and when you do puke. That needs to be my new rule in life. I suppose working out should fit in there somewhere as well. Baby steps? Lol.

Eww...I just scratched my muffin top that was oozing from my size 7s. What did I do to myself?

Well time to make this thing fancy. I'll be back. Think Thin!!