I Hate Myself

God Damn it. I freaking got high last night and ate like a million fucking things. Sandwiches, cereal, tortillas, granola bars....etc. The list goes on. I weighed myself this morning and I weighed 156. That's disgusting. I need to not get high. I need to not eat food. I wish there was like something I could carry around with me all the time to remind me how terrible I look and need to saop eating. I can feel myself suffocating in my own body fat. I wish I looked like I used to...and then some. I used to have so much will power then. I feel like the biggest tub of lard. I am going to my Mom's to spend the night Saturday to Sunday. Hopefully it will help the cravings a little bit. I'm not sure why but I am putting hope in anything right now. I wish I had my freaking Alli pill. I wonder when that shits gunna get here already. Seems like it is taking ages. I can't remember what day I ordered it on. I think it's been like a week. WTF.

I really screwed myself last night. Because I stuffed my face I am SUPER hungry this morning. I am drinking a cup of coffee with Splenda and french vanilla cremora and I feel guilty at fuck. I don't need these extra calories. I'm so tired I feel asleep early and woke up at about 1 am because of the TV. When I woke up I heard my sister and our temp roomie Lynette laughing in my bedroom. I went and there and we hung out for some time. Then I couldn't get back to sleep all the way. It sucked.

I Hate Myself. I Hate Today.