Okay so yeah, couldn't stay away from blog world. Just another failure to add to the list. For the million time I'm making a goal list today. The plan is to stick to it for a week. After I am successful carrying out the plan, I will make a new plan and so on and so forth. Here we go again:
1. ABSOLUTELY NO MEAT WHATSOEVER!!!
2. At least 30 minutes of exercise 4 times a week. (Pathetic, yes.)
3. No alcohol from Sunday to Thursday.
4. No weed smoking unless in company of other smokers.
5. No more than 800 cals a day.
I think that is a good start. Now I just have to really focus and constantly remind myself of these goals all day everyday. Ultimately I want to be 165 by Monday. I think I can do it if I don't fuck up over the weekend and get my ass to the gym everyday. I don't even know what I weigh right now.....ugh I don't even want to think about it. But I NEED to. AT ALL TIMES.
My day was a success until i went to Nate's, of course. Ate a full meal with him and the kids. Then he invites his parents over and I continue to drink 6 Corona Lights and eat two handfuls of BBQ kettle chips. :(
I seriously wish I could just be a cold hearted selfish person and either brake it off with Nate or have him dump me. Nate = Life. Nate = Life without food issues. I know it's not his fault I'm fat. It's mine. But I almost feel that if I was miserable and alone like I have been my whole life before I met him I could focus more. When I'm with him I don't think about food and calories and every other fucked up part of my life. God it's such a tough call ya know? I know if i leave him I'll regret it later. Especially over food. Ya know what? I'm sitting here thinking. I'm a stupid idiot. LOTS of girls can control their eating disorders (meaning sticking with it) and have boyfriends. If anything I should want to starve FOR him. Shouldn't I want to look good for my man instead of just being in this disgusting "comfortable" phase? Yes. Yes I should.
Well I'll be posting my weigh in tmarrow. Make sure every lady wears their blinders.
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no blinders, most of us have been there too - you've seen my highest weight, I was between 190 - 210 for a year, I was worse, I understand.
ReplyDelete& thanks for your words of encouragement! We both can do this, simple plans and small goals will get us farther than anything else!
glad you didn't give up on the blog :)