Lazy But Reporting

Hey Ladies, I hope evryone is feeling skinny and good today.

Basically I have some news to repost but am really tired because I got like zilch sleep over the weekend, so I am going to post part of an email I sent to my ED buddy so you all know where I am at right now:

I have been doing great on the eating, just haven’t been exercising everyday like I should. The past two days I have eaten actually like a normal person though for some reason and I am terrified that I am slowly falling backwards. I have to get back. The past two weeks I had only been eating no more than 300 cals a day and I felt so good. But here I find myself this morning, already have consumed a cheese sandwich and some Special K cereal. I must be at like 500 cals already!!! Today is going to be a complete failure especially because I have a date later which means I will have to eat dinner…which brings me to my next bit of information….
I met a guy. I met him at my bar I work at. Lee, he is so awesome. He makes me really happy so far. But I am freaking out inside. First off, I have been single for 4 years and yes, I am ready for a relationship, but I am soo afraid that he is too good to be true. I sit around everyday thinking about how great he is, but at the same time wondering when my happy little boy world is going to come crumbling down after he breaks my heart and I realize he is an asshole like the rest of them and how stupid I was to get excited and giddy about a boy YET AGAIN. I don’t want to be fooled or get hurt, but at the same time I want to fall in love again and be happy. It’s just all so confusing. In addition: my weight. How am I ever going to get comfortable with being naked in front of him or having sex with him if I don’t like to get naked when I am alone in my room changing each day? He is a very attractive guy and I know I don’t deserve someone like that when I am as fat ugly and pathetic as I am. Being with him I know will gear me up to workout more and barely eat anything, but then again when you date someone you usually gain weight because you always go out to eat or cook meals at home together or go to friends and family parties…..everything is about god damn food. I don’t want him to see me eat but I don’t want him to know I have issues with food either. I can’t win either way! What am I supposed to do?!?!?!

So that is pretty much is. My eating is great, excersise sucks. My heart is bleeding with happiness and excitement and so worried and confused. I know I don't deserve someone as great and beautiful as him. I just want be be what he deserves and untimately what I want to be. Any advice ladies??