Okay so something seriously fucked up happened to me on Friday after I got home from work. I was eager to weigh myself because with my walk and basically starving all day I was expecting a fab number on the scale like 169.5 or something. So I weigh: 174. WTF???? I was so upset I didn't understand where the hell the weight came from. So, like always, I moved the scale a million times and the number stayed at 174. So what do I do? No, not go to the gym. No, not starve myself even more. I get two fifths of Southern Comfort and started drowning the pain, which in turn morphed into a disgusting weekend binge. The whole weekend. Fuck me.
So where am I at today? 175. Looks like I'm going to have to change my "pounds to perfection" again. Always going up, never down. :(
However, I got back into the game today. Woke up at 5:45am and worked out for 45 minutes before work. 20 mins on weights, 15 on cardio and 10 cool down walk. After work I walk home, 30 more minutes, and then I am going to go back to the gym and do some more cardio. Maybe weights too. Hmm........
Ladies, please don't think I am pathetic and a failure. I mean, I AM - I know that, but I need your words of strength to keep me going!! Oh and KELLY ~ yes, men and booze are the enemy. ;)
Today so far I'm running on 6 laxatives, 2 diet bills, 2 Bronkaid pills and some lemon drink. Oh and 1 strawberry - breakfast.
If you ladies have not heard of Bronkaid pills I suggest you look into them. My dear ED friend Clementine sent me some in the mail one day. The are meant to help relieve asthma and broncitis, however their is an ephdrine complex in them. I don't feel cracked out but I have no appetite or cravings. Freaking magical!! I looked up some info online about them and apparently they are popular with body builders and others trying to loose weight. EXCELLENT. Let me know if any of you try them!!
Think thin!!
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Hey, thank you so much for the comment on my pictures...That made me smile like THIS big. ;) 'Cept bigger.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you're a failure at all. Have you read back into any of my previous blog posts at all, like back before I started my Topamax and I was bingeing like crazy? Chewing and spitting constantly? I was a wreck. I felt like a failure all the time. It's a mindset. It's so hard to break. I can't even begin to preach because I'm in no position..also because I'm weak and dizzy from lack of food...uhh...tunnel vision, much? :P
Just keep your goals in mind and ENVISION yourself thin. DO it. Imagine your twiggy legs and ribs jutting up from beneath tight, taut skin. Looking in the mirror and...god, the DELIGHT of seeing sharp hipbones protruding where none did before, and not having to lean over or contort into odd positions to see certain bones... I guess it works for me because I'm a highly visual person, but I thought I'd suggest it. Give it a go! :D
Stay lovely, dear. <3
P.D.
No one thinks you're a failure, least of all me. So, we all fall off & screw up, but you don't really fail if you keep trying, right?
ReplyDeleteSo let's never give up, just keep working at making the scale go down.