Someone should just fucking shoot me right in the face. I fucking hate myself so much.
The weekend was filled with drinking and eating and I an back to 168.2 and of this morning. FML.
This morning I binged and purged AFTER I weighed my fatass, because THAT makes the most sense. (Sarcasm, Sarcasm, Sarcasm.) A Whopper, two Sausage egg and cheese biscuits, a hash brown and a medium iced coffee. Oh yes, that's right. I stopped at Burger King AND McDonalds. Ended up puking all over the beautiful landscape in the back parking lot of my office complex. Awesome Jamie, you're fucking a disgusting disgrace.
Back on it tomorrow. No more excuses on the weekends. No more excuses to eat because the kids are over. I'm so done with this back and forth bullshit.
Oh, and to top it all off, Nate and I got into a mega huge fight Saturday night at his friends 25th birthday party. Nate basically told all his friends every personal embarrasing and shameful details of my fucked up past and yelled it through his friends house and I ended up punching him in his face several times. Once again his friends probably hate me all over again, they know every disgusting thing about my life and his friends party was ruined.
Oh, and then I found out yesterday that Nate was doing coke in the bathroom with his friends when me and him both made a "no drugs" pact back in February when I relapsed on heroin and didn't even have the decency to tell me - I had to ask him. WTF. That's fine. I'll be partying in Chicago weekend of Pride Parade and you BET YOUR MOTHER FUCKING ASS I'll be dropping E and smoking a big fatty blunt. So there.
Well Ladies, I'll check in manana. Have a thin day.
Jamie
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that sucks - about the drugs, the weight & nate mistreating your trust
ReplyDeletehate to say it, but it doesn't really give you the right to hit him...sorry
hope today was better, weekends are always difficult because there are more temptations to eat.
Giving up purging was the best and worst thing I've done for myself, took about a year, but I think I've finally broken through. It was the worst because I gained a lot of weight before I finally worked on getting binge eating under control, but for me if I don't have the option to 'undo' eating, I'm not as tempted to binge.
Does that make sense? If I know I have to accept every calorie I put into my mouth it makes me more cautious about what I choose - now that doesn't mean I don't fuck up and down an entire pizza, what can I say, I'm still a work in progress. I hope I don't sound all preachy, just sharing my experience.
& I have, on many, many occasions, visited several fast food places in one afternoon. As though a little bit of everything would finally make me feel better.
best of luck - xoxo Kelly