Suprise

I'm back, again. So much has been going on this past month. Well most of it went on in May. Hold onto your hats ladies.

To keep and extremely long story short, in May I was basically in the hospital. I attempted suicide with an overdose and slit my wrists on April 28th. I was in ICU for two days and then in the psych ward for a week. Awesome. After getting out on May 7th, I, within a weeks time, got wasted at a local bar and took off on my boyfriend and his two best friends in a mysterious car. I woke up back in the hospital. Apparently I had called for a towncar to pick my up and bring me back to my appartment where I accidentally (?) overdosed again on my Seroquel. My sister panicked and called the ambulance the following afternoon at about two pm when I had been sleeping for over twelve hours and was completely incoherent. Awesome. I was then in the hospital for another week. 3 days in ICU, 4 in the psych ward. Within days of me getting out again I got wasted again, got into a huge fight with my boyfriend and proceded to call my father at 4am drunk and crying saying Nate was gunna kill me. Double awesome. My dad booked a flight for me the following morning and I was wisked to FL for a week. Nate cried so hard. I cried so hard for abandoning him. The vacation was great/hard all at the same time. Thank god I have the most amazing boss in the world becasue he didn't ask me for than two questions for basically taking off the month of May. He even gave me forty paid hours of "vacation" time. What a peach he is.

Since I've been back (the Sunday before memorial day) things have been.....good. I'm stable. I'm working. Nate and I are getting along well*.

* Forgot to mention I basically moved in with Nate kinda sorta because my sister has disowned me for a suicide attempt (yeah real supportive huh?) and we can't stand to look at each other in our apartment. Basically I am now paying 600 a month to hang up my clothes over there. Sweet*

I am AS USUAL, fat ass hell. Today was the first day back on my diet/restricting/purging/whatevergetsthisfatoffmyass plan and I have already fucked it up. I don't even know how I used to starve so well. Ive eaten three eggs, four pieces of bread, coffee with vD milk, and a banana. My stomach is still growling. UGH. I think I have just been eating so much this past month that is is going to be hard this first week to get back on track. I need to keep posting and reading blogs and looking at thinspo everyday. I NEEEEEDD to get my lazy POS ass to the gym. God I'm pathetic. To top it off yesterday was the first day I've seen my mom since all this shit last month happened and the first thing she does when she looks at me says:

Mom: "Jamie, what have you been eating."

Me: "Food. How about you?" (Obvious sarcasm) "Why do I look fatter to you?"

Mom: (Without answering my question directly) "Well I just thought you would have been skinner now what with being in the hospital and all."

Me: "No mom, sorry, I'm still a fatass."

Mom: *Sighs*

THANKS MOM! God...... I swear. Hmmm wonder why I started having an ED at fucking twelve??????? Maybe when I'm laid up in another hospital bed because I finally got it through this thick skull to starve to MAKE YOU HAPPY you will leave me alone.

Sorry, got manic for a sec. Anyways, I weighed in today at 170.2. I doubt I'll be down by morning due to my breakfast binge. I'm setting the goal for 169.7. Not what I want of course but what can my fat lazy pig face expect?

Love you ladies and I'm try to stay on this posting stuff. <3