Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Seriously Not Cool......

I did so amazing last week. Im such a fat pig this week. I binged SOO bad over the weekend out of boredom and I am basically looking for a good edge at the moment. I can't even tell you my weight because I am so disgusted by it. Jesus christ I was two pounds away from the 140's - a goal Ive been dreaming of even as fat as it is, and I blew it on fucking cookies and bullshit food. I'm fasting this whole week instead of thursday bc unfortunately I have a family dinner and well, I cant get out of that. :( Its really hard to focus after a long weekend binge. All I think about is how much I am a fat failure. I'm a failure at everything in life. It just sucks. WHY CAN'T I EVER ACHIEVE ANY GOAL?? And now with all this legal garbage Im in my life just totally sucks more. I talked to my lawyer yesterday and well he basically told me I am facing jail time (60 - a year) and the main fight in this case is to keep me from going to jail. I want to just kiull myself. I don't have anyone who gives two shits....btu I cant blame them. Look at me throwing this pity party for myself. I'm so fucking pathetic. I cant take this. If i go to jail im ending it. I cant go on anymore....
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2 comments:

  1. zetteApril 5, 2011 at 12:29 PM

    i know it's frustrating to have a shitty weekend. if i were you i'd set a smaller goal. that helps me. like just aim to be two pounds lighter than you are today. then another few pounds after that. that way it doesn't take as long&binges don't seem to set you back so badly.
    as for jail time, i can't think of anything to say except that jail food is nasty so if anything you'd come out on the other side skinnier. but i hope your lawyer is a badass who will keep you out, because i'd miss you. killing yourself is so not allowed. i'd be pissed at you. chin up, darling. make a cup of tea&sit down with a good book, take a long hot bath with loud music, sit out in the sun, go to the gym&beat the shit out of a punching bag, whatever gets you out of your head. hang in there.
    xoxo
    zette

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  2. an♥nym♥usApril 6, 2011 at 10:12 AM

    I'm sorry you had such shitty week-end. As hard as it might seem, try and keep your head up. Hope everything works out for you. Take care x

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