Ouchy........

Okay. I ate the Burrito. Chugged 36 ounces of water with it and I feel unaccomplished on my purge. My kidneys hurt really bad today too. I texted E to see if she could fill me in at all......she's a med student. I didn't hear back so I googled some different phrases and not to my surprise kidney failure is possible with long term bulimia. I have been bulimic since 7th grade and I'm 22 now so.........how old are we in 7th grade......like 12........so like 10 years. I don't think I have kidney failure, maybe I pulled a muscle puking or something....who knows.

I have to go to stupid community service at the library after work tonight too. Its 37 degrees and pouring....I'd rather go home, take a pill and go to bed. But I blew off CS last week so I really need to go. I haven't decided what lie I am going to make up yet. I was thinking something related to a back problem since I am in pain today. Maybe they won't even ask. Jesus I can't wait until this DUI shit is over. Arg..........

Since I fucked up so bad today I just decided to keep going. I just ate another 4 pretzels. I hate it when my boss buys they gigantic jars or snacks for the office. But tax deadline is Wednesday and my dad flies back home so I know it will be over in the next 48 hours. I'll be able to focus again. I think I need a red bracelet on top of my blue one. I'm glad it's getting warmer out. My long sleeves always cover my bracelet so even though I am aware of my ED all the time I think actually SEEING the bracelet will help. But blue almost means..."Go ahead and eat, just puke after." I need a red too. DON'T EAT AND IF YOU DO PUKE. I need to constantly tell myself this. I dream of looking like the other girls on the thinspo pages I started following today. I wonder if they are the kind of girls that are just naturally skinny but have ED's or if they were once a fat hefer like me....? Hmm......I'll have to ask. I need to get some real pictures of myself on this page.

My teeth ache. Damn I am just tore up today. I would do ANYTHING to be able to go home. 37 minutes in counting until work is over and community service begins....eh......

My ED Bud Liz is getting a tat! SO jealous! She rocks. I can't wait to see what it is. If she sends me a picture I will post it!

Well going to do some research online. We shall chat tomorrow blog. Until then.......