160

Thank god, 160. If it keeps up like this for the rest of the week I should be premo by Monday, maybe even a little lighter! I would love to be able to check off another box on my 'pounds to perfection' chart. I was starring at my blog the other day, looking at that chart, thinking "Maybe this would be easier if I just took it 5 pounds at a time instead of always thinking "OMG, you have to loose 40 pounds." It's almost like I set myself up for failure. I think that's going to be my new motto: not 'one day at a time' but '5 pounds at a time.' I wish I could loose 5 pounds everyday like I have the past 2. I know it was probably bloating and water weight from stuffing my face last week, but it was super nice to see the scale at that number again, even though it's heavier than when I started this whole blog. I'm so fucking fat, it's disgusting.

So yesterday was a semi failure as far as working out went. I did 30 minutes on the eliptical and was planning to do another 30 either biking or power walking before my AA meeting. When I entered my gym (it's in my building so it not crazy big) there was like 2 other people there, all machines open. I was like 'sweet' and jumped on the machine and started too it. Well the machine I use faces a window to the outside and I wasn't paying attention to much that was going on around me due to the fact I had my headset hooked up to the machine and was very involved watching House. After my 30 was up, I jump off and turn around to find the whole freaking gym filled up and there were people actually waiting to use all the machines I use. I wanted to jump back on the eliptical for the next 30, but there were 2 other girls waiting to use them (awesome...were they starring at my fat ass jiggle....yuck) and I didn't want to be rude so I let them have it. I was on a time crunch but didn't feel satisfied with my workout. So I went back upstairs to my apt. and did 100 sit ups (holy shit that was hard, haven't done one in years) and 100 leg lifts on each leg. By that time it was already 7 o'clock and I had to shower and leave by 8 so I called it quits......I was bummed out. It takes me all my will power to work out because I fucking hate sweating and I go to workout and can't even get in what I want and DESPERATLY NEED. I wonder when it's not so packed in there? I went one time at 5 at it was a ghost town. I went at 9:30 pm last monday and it was packed. I went yesterday at 6 and it was packed. Whatever, I'll fight for machines..if I don't get it done as soon as I get home it doesn't get done. Anyways, so as I was about to step in the shower I, as always, starred down at my silver scale. I thought 'no Jamie, don't weigh in....nothing has happened.' Well I'm glad I didn't listen to myself because before I worked out I weighed in and I was 165 and after the workout I was 160! I was jumping for joy naked in my bathroom. That would be great if that happened to me today!
I woke up this morning hoping maybe i had lost over the night and I weighed in at 159, but I had two cups of coffee at work today so I am sure the 159 is none existant anymore. Ho Hum......

On the extremely shitty side of my day, I was getting dressed for work this morning and was feeling huge as hell and decided to put on my favorite black fat pants. They are one size too big and always hang off my ass and low on my hips so they make me feel a but skinnier when I wear them. My my shocking suprise.....they were tight as hell. I could barely even clasp the top......FUCKING PISSED is the only emotion I could feel until about an hour ago. How is it that i let my fat pants become too small?? Oh wait I know......being a fat hog and eating. To top it off I wore flip flops today also and everytime I walk the make a squeaking noise...wide load on small shoe = squeak. Sigh.....tear......scream

I fucking hate myself. I fucking hate my body. Someone take me out of this miserable life.