Broken Record

I am a broken record. I say I'm done being fat. I say I can't take binging anymore. I say I'm ready to do this. What do I do? The complete opposite. I'm weak. I'm so fucking weak. I just want to see my bones. I look at all this thinspo online and shit and it makes me so depressed that I can't get skinny. It's like I'm always half-assing it. One thing I've learned about having ED friends....they are so great. BUT I need a mean one. I need one that will put me down and call me a fat ass every waking moment so I keep exercising and stop eating. All these thin frustrations!

I'm back to food recording. I also spent the last couple hours lookin up things online. I need to buy a notebook. I printed off all these food charts so I have something definite to look at when I need to know the calorie intake of something. I also found the web page I blogged about right before this blog. Apparently if I do my daily activities and work out I am at:


Activity = Calories burned

Brush teeth 5
Standing 41
Cooking 46
Housework 68
Reading 74
Talking on phone 74
Showering 74
Walking 3 mph 153 (30 Minutes)
Stationary bicycle / spinning - moderate 246 (30 Minutes)
Sleeping 390
Elliptical trainer 399 (30 Minutes)
Sitting / resting 446

Total Calories Burned
2,016

Add that # minus what I consume everyday. Okay so you think I would loose if I only consume no more that 200 cals a day.

Consider I DON'T Workout though:

Total Calories Burned
1,371


Then is started to wonder if I actually workout everyday, if it is okay to eat 200 cals because my metabolism would stay up vs. not eating at all.......crossroads..........

Any suggestions???