Meh........

I'm finding myself getting more and more depressed the more I read blogs and talk to my ED buddies. I love them all, so don't get me wrong, they are a great support system and really help me through the hard days. What makes me so depressed though is that I am noticing how skinny all of them are and how fat I am. It sucks being the fat friend in daily life, and EXTREMELY sucks when your that fat friends out of your mia & ana buddies. It's good that it gets to me so much because it has inspired me to finally start working out, but I am still huge and well, it just fucking blows. I hate being such a hefer.

So far the fast thing is going well, I guess. Still haven't lost a fucking pound...big shocker there. I binged one day because I was lit like a candle but I actually lost 2 pounds of water weight from puking so much so I didn't let it bother me too much. Today I've eaten a banana and a cup of coffee. I was starving this morning and didn't want to end up giving into ordering lunch with the office or microwaving the pouch of Ready Rice I have in the pantry in our kitchen. I feel better but am pissed to know that I consumed like 110 cals from that god damn piece of fruit. FUCK.
I have my AA meeting tonight from 8:30 to 9:30 and I am going to work out after that, take a shower and be in bed by midnight. My sister wants to go to the gym tonight that we signed up at. (I have a free gym in my building as well) I have yet to tell her I canceled the membership. I just really don't want any favors from her ya know. Keep it simple until we can get out of this apartment with each other. It's like one day she is nicey nicey to me and the next day she is yelling at me. I can't take these mood swings. I look at her sometimes and think "Jesus Christ.....I used to act like this but worse...." THANK GOD FOR MOOD STABILIZERS

SO a bit off topic...but there is this guy I work with that really creeps me out...well maybe not creeps.....annoys.......I'm not sure of the word. It's like he's OVER curious or something. Like if I walk past his desk or something he always looks up and stares at me for a second. Or if he walks out of the office and past my desk he has to like look and see what I'm doing (without asking). He is an accountant here, but he is NOT my superior. Just a weirdo.......eh...so annoying.

Well unfortunately I just got an assignment from a co-worker. Blog ya later.